Worried But Well: Strategies for Memory Management and Wellness
by Heather Gately
Have you ever wanted to say something but could not think of the right word? Or you walk into a room of friends and forget somebody’s name, the face, it looks familiar but the name escapes your head! This phenomenon is known as ‘tip of the tongue’ syndrome. While frustrating, it is a completely normal, age-related condition and you are not alone! However, wouldn’t it be great to develop strategies for memory management to avoid such experiences? Today, I hope to help you will learn tips and techniques, exercises and ways to improve your brain neuroplasticity to help combat against these “senior moments”!
If you are like me, whether it’s the scenario above or walking into a room and forgetting why you came there in the first place? Perhaps you go to the mall and can’t remember which door of store will lead you at least in the vicinity of your car if not, the accurate location—there’s that moment of panic! You know the one, where you start maybe muttering to yourself…’what was I doing before I came to get the ??? in this room?’ or ‘’Did I walk into the store by the shoe department or Men’s?’ That bit of concern rises, maybe even a taste of panic before you stop……think hard……visualize…..and are able to recall exactly what you were hoping to remember…mission accomplished! You breathe that sigh of ‘relief’ or You might even think ‘Boy, that took me a little more effort than usual’ or ‘Egads, I can’t tell my husband/wife/son or daughter that I couldn’t find my car or that I got lost’ If many of you are nodding your head in agreement (as I imagine many of you are doing right this very minute) Rest assured, you are in good company!
Many people don’t realize that although brain development is subject to significant individual variation, most experts suggest that the brain is fully developed by age 25. As for the age where our brains are at peak condition, science has long held that fluid intelligence, or the ability to think quickly and recall information, peaks at around age 20. Think back to when you were 20—did you have any idea that your brain was ‘at its peak’?? With that in mind (pun intended) we are only now starting to understand the importance of brain health and brain healthy aging! Like me, you have likely noticed the ‘brain health stimulants’ being advertised at pharmacies or on the tele. But, you should start to notice that the notion of Brain health should start to be addressed to the target audience of people in their 30’s. And that brain health should be considered as important as physical, mental, spiritual health.
So, you are worried but, are you well?? When it comes to ‘tip of the tongue’ memory slips—your memory recall usually can kick in with a little patience (think ‘take a breath, count to 10 and relax’—let your cortisol levels come down so that your brain can have a minute to think clearly. But, let’s say that you relax, take your time and work to recall and jar your memory…..and nothing happens. You are still stuck! Does your mind go to ‘Oh my goodness, what if I never remember?’ or ‘OMG, is this a sign that I have dementia?’
I will say it again, don’t panic. There are a number of reasons why you may not recall something on demand. I usually explain it this way to my groups, when we were born, we were like new cars! Everything was bright, shiny and new! And everything worked perfectly…..for a long time. Think about it, do you jump out of bed every morning the way you did when you were 10? 20? 30? 40? For most of us, likely not. But, as we age, and some of you younger people (think mid 30’s and 40’s) might just be noticing this, but, getting up out of bed, or out of a chair….’What was that new pain?’ Our joints/muscles/bones (spark plugs, pistons, and wires) aren’t as efficient as they were when we were brand new. They have aged, we have put some miles on the car. And it effects each person (and car) differently depending on how we have ‘driven’ our lives by good or bad habits, stress, physical exercise, etc. It would beg to reason that your brain also loses a bit of its ‘shiny complexion’ as well. It dims naturally with age—meaning, our thoughts, reasoning, word-finding or memories might not be lightening quick, but, with a little TLC, we are still able to remember, and contribute fully—just a little slower at times. While many healthcare experts over the years have just trivialized a patient’s complaint of ‘my memory isn’t what it used to be’ and there has been and is the prevalent thought of ‘It’s just a normal part of aging’ or ‘what do you expect, you are 70 years old’---a true memory issue that impacts your day to day living is not ‘normal aging’ and should be examined more thoroughly. Still, take heart—there are a lot of other pathological reasons for your memory to not be as sharp as it was when you were 21.
So, what should you do if you are worried that you are not well? Start with your GP—take along a loved one or friend that knows you really well for reassurance and back-up. You should not take the ‘what do you expect for your age’ answer. Forgive me, but, that’s just lazy! Here is what really should happen:
Full patient history and current list of medications to rule out any side-effects or conflicts among meds on your list that can cause ‘brain fog’
Have the GP do a full blood work on you—It can be as simple of finding out that one of the important/needed chemicals in your body is too high or too low and can bring about ‘brain fog’. Some doctors might even check spinal fluid to look for any anomalies.
Check for an infection—sometimes that can cause people’s memory to be affected in a negative fashion
Memory testing—not just the mini-mentals but, if possible, have them refer you for a neuro-psych evaluation which is more comprehensive and can identify the strengths and weaknesses of your brain function—it’s a good baseline and diagnostic tool.
Brain imaging—CAT Scan/Pet Scan or MRI—again, good to have a baseline to compare in years to come
Depression—the truth is that most people that have memory issues will be treated first for depression before looking at dementia diagnostics. Untreated or poorly treated depression can lead to mild-significant memory issues
About 6 months ago, I met with a husband and wife who were worried about the wife’s memory issues. Her scenario was that prior to COVID, she had just retired from her ‘later life’ career working in the public school sector. She and her husband were very involved in their local church on the board of directors and outreach programs that all ground to a halt during covid. And, one of her siblings (who did not live locally) passed away and they neglected to let her know….for over 6 months. In fact, she only found out by accident. She also recently had her bloods tested and discovered that she was horribly low in vitamin B12. After hearing their story, I suggested that it was reasonable to assume with all of these major life events occurring over a relatively short period of time-retirement, Covid isolation, death of family member (and all of the dynamics that accompany that issue), and loss of role in church community that perhaps she might be depressed. She hadn’t addressed any of these issues with her healthcare professionals and I suggested that she should start there and maybe look to speak to a counselor to address her grief. Her doctor did put her on a high dose of B12 supplement which she had just started. I recently met up with this couple again and they noted a marked improvement in her overall mood and brain functioning and felt they could move back into the ’worried, but well’ phase and try some other activities of engagement that will help her to keep up her brain, mental and physical health. I tell you this story because, without the thorough diagnostic pathway, Jane Doe would have believed that she was now a person living with dementia (which comes with all sorts of limitations placed on her) as opposed to someone who has identified her deficiencies and is taking full control of her recovery.
So, what can you do when you have the little ‘blips’ that so many of us have?
Make lists or reminder notes (on paper, a diary, your phone) There is no harm or shame to utitilize this as a ‘help’ when you park your car and head into the mall ‘Heather, you parked by the door that enters the lingerie department’ or ‘by the food court entrance’
Calendars of your daily activities or ‘to do’: Write and review your calendar as a daily habit—some people do it at the beginning and end of every day to serve as a gentle reminder.
When you want to remember people’s names: say you are going to a party or a gathering. Spend time thinking about who you expect to see there, rehearse it in your mind—who is there, what do they look like, what is their name, how do they usually wear their hair, what is the name of their spouse? Or, there is no shame of judgement coming right out with it, ‘I’m so sorry, I can’t remember your name’ or ‘please, remind me of your name again!’ You will be surprised at how many people are thinking the same thing, and you have just eased their minds to ask the same of you! When you are with them, having just re-learned their name, try and repeat their name or work their name into your conversation as many times as you can. This helps cement it deeper into your pre-frontal cortex. When you walk away from them—visualize them, say their name and perhaps something significant that draws your memory to their name ie Anna banana, or June who had her foot in a boot….something that will help you remember later on. If you can, say goodbye to them before you leave to give yourself another chance to say their name while looking at them. Then, go to your diary and write it down to review for the next gathering!
Use your phone to take a picture of where you parked the car! Or who was at the party!
Don’t punish yourself too much if you don’t get it all 100% correct all of the time. Allow the slight indulgence of making a few mistakes here and there. Try and keep those cortisol levels low to avoid the panic that sets in—when that happens, your brain freezes and everything exits stage left! Take that breath, count to 10, visualize and review your notes. All of these things will help you when you have your next ‘tip of the tongue’ syndrome. If you are worried that you are not well, take the next step and talk to someone. You might just be worrying for nothing!
photo shot at Aro Ha